Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Biggest Loser!

    A few years back I tried out for the Biggest Loser. Apparently I was fat enough to be flown to Salt Lake City for an interview with the producers. I met the producers at the posh Salt lake city Hotel Monaco I was extremely nervous knowing that if I nailed this it would change my life forever. I entered the room visibly nervous and shook all the producers hands and then posed with my shirt off , for what I could only presume, was for the photo cattle call back at their offices in Los Angeles. I actually pictured them back in LA  in a dark room, just like the scene out of Animal House, where my picture comes up and they all start screaming and throwing cheesy puffs and sodas at it. As the shutter on the camera clicked  I pushed my stomach out a little further then normal thinking any little bit would help.                        I sat down for the interview portion of the afternoon. It was the strangest interview I have ever been involved with. I spent over an hour trying to convince these people what a fat pathetic loser I was. To only be told after an hour and a full box of tissues later, I wasn't pathetic enough. Do you know what that does to guy like me? I didn't know if I was a bigger loser or less of a loser for not being picked. I shook their hands and vowed to them I would return fatter and more pathetic then anyone they have or will ever cast. As I got up from the table I grabbed two donuts from a plate and shoved them in my mouth saying "starting now!"
      But on the short flight home I rehashed the interview over and over in my head. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Should I have gone in there on a hoveround?

 I got off the plane in Colorado Springs disappointed and dejected. My girlfriend picked me up out front of the terminal. She could tell right away something was wrong and asked me how it went. I told her every painful detail of the interview and finished it off with I didn't get chosen. I teared up a bit and held my head down. At that moment I felt her hand on my back as she quickly and confidently reassured me that I was the same pathetic loser that ruined her life ten years ago. I raised my head, looked out the window, smiled and said "Who's the Biggest Loser now?"


  1. Maybe you should have painted your belly and danced for them, out used the Ohio pennant as a cape?

    Joe Ritchey

    1. Lol Yes I guess if I had the Biggest Loser logo painted on my belly it would of left a better impression. LOL