Higuain What A GOAL!!

This was such a great goal by the Columbus Crew's Federico Higuain against the New York Red Bulls that I felt it was blog worthy. Federico Higuain is the older brother of ex Real Madrid's now Napoli's striker Gonzalo Higuain. What a quality strike from the Argentine.

Sexy Dancers

Check out these sexy dancers on Instagram!! http://instagram.com/p/bCCEoOo_J9/#
Give it a like if you want.  

MLS Fans Say Thank You NBC Sports.

As a long time MLS fan I would like to say thank you to NBC Sports Channel. Over the years I have watched the league grow and become stable, but through out those years the television coverage of the league hasn't been up to par of the other leagues in America until MLS signed with NBC Sports. Not only is their television coverage of the games are by far better than what MLS has had in the past on other networks. NBC has used their expertise in story telling and television production to produce television shows that tell you about the players, the teams and the communities that MLS touches. These show's will help  the league to grow and hope it to expose it to the casual fan who isn't familiar to MLS or to soccer. A perfect example is their show MLS 36. A weekly show that showcases a player or players 36 hours before a game. In the 36 hours you learn about the players and what the team does to prepare for their game. It is very insightful to see how a typical day is like in a professional athletes life. Below are two full episodes of MLS 36  from the official MLS youtube page http://www.youtube.com/user/mls?feature=watch
The first features Matt Besler and Aurelien Collin of Sporting Kansas City. And the second one features Brad Davis of the Houston Dynamo. They are must see's.

MLS Insider A Must Watch Show!

Just wanted to share this great new series on NBC Sports Channel called MLS Insider by Emmy award winning Jonathan Hock. A series less about the highlights but the people and stories behind the game that make MLS such a compelling league to follow. The first episode aired this past Friday night and consisted of stories about NY Red Bull player Tim Cahill, the Philadelphia Union's supporter group Sons of Ben and former Columbus Crew and current LA Galaxy player Robbie Rogers coming out as the first openly gay athlete in american team sports. A must see show. Below is the full episode.

MLS Insider will air on Friday's at 7:30PM ET/4:30PM PT on the NBC Sports Network and at 2:00PM ET on the TSN networks in Canada.
 Produced by Hock Films , which is headed by Emmy Award-winning filmmaker Jonathan Hock. Hock, who has won eight Emmy Awards and made three critically acclaimed documentaries for ESPN's Films' 30 for 30 series, says that MLS Insider is not going to be your typical weekly sports show.
 "The depth of passion within MLS culture is unlike anything else in America and Canada," he said. "We aim to immerse the viewer in very human stories – the good, the bad, the heroes, the villains – the whole range. Don’t expect a highlight show.”

Here is more from Houk in an interview with MLS.

 

Dancing Kevin!

It all started off with me trying to impress a girl friend at a Columbus Bluejacket's Hockey game.

Now it's grown way out of hand.

And you know the genie is out of the bottle and can't be put back in when you reach Jay Leno, not once but twice. Dancing Kevin on Jay Leno! And you can even get Dancing Kevin T-shirts and other gear. http://www.cafepress.com/dancekevin . If you find this disturbing, join the party. But if you enjoy it and love having fun you can always follow me, Dancing Kevin, on twitter  @kschroeder1720 

Or join me on Facebook at the  Dancing Kevin Fan Page. I'll try to keep it up with new and exciting entertaining things and tell you when I'm out and about. Or even when I do some stand up comedy around town. I hope to see you on my page or twitter feed soon. But until then I will leave you with this little Arty Party.

Tim "The Rock" Raines A Member of the Jerk of Fame.

According to Wikipedia Timothy Raines (born September 16, 1959), nicknamed "Rock", is a former American professional baseball player. He played as a left fielder in Major League Baseball for six teams from 1979 to 2002 and was best known for his 13 seasons with the Montreal Expos. He is regarded as one of the best leadoff hitters and base runners in baseball history. But to this guy he's the jerk that crushed a young boy's dreams. How you ask? Well grab a cold one, a box of Cracker Jacks and sit back and enjoy the story.
      It was a sunny summer day in the early 1980's and my father Virgil decided to treat his three kids to a day in the sun at their favorite place. The old venerable Riverfront Stadium to watch their beloved Cincinnati Reds take on the Montreal Expos. And this day was going to be extra special because he sprung the extra dough for seats in the Blue Seats, which every Reds fan over 25 years old knows were located closest to the field. Little did he know that this special day was going to end in him consoling his only son, me.

    We got to the ballpark early, as was the custom, to take in batting practice.We brought our gloves to try to shag some balls and our pens to try to get some autographs from our heroes. I was especially excited that day because our seats were located in the Blue Seats along the third base line near the visitors dugout. And like I mentioned earlier, the Reds were playing the Montreal Expos. A team that had a bunch of players I respected, like Gary Carter, The Hawk Andre Dawson, and a young lead off batter that was establishing himself as one of the games best in Tim "The Rock" Raines.I could barely contain my excitement when we parked in the garage below the stadium and worked our way up the escalators to the stadium and into the gate. The calls of "Hot Dog's Here," rang through the concourse of the old stadium as we walked to our section. We were fully immersed in the sights and smells that every American knows and associates with that great American Pastime, baseball. It's truly a beautiful thing.
     The usher in charge of our section took the tickets from dad, smiled and said, "your seats are this way." As we followed him down the aisle towards our seats the walls gave way to a great expanse of green shining brilliantly in the midday sun. The sound of the ball cracking off the bat and the loud pop of balls hitting the leather of gloves held by demigods filled my ears. I was in ten year old heaven. We reached our seats and the usher dusted off our seats with a towel then said "There you go, enjoy the game."  My dad gave him a buck, as is the custom and my sisters and father sat down. I looked at my father, and like an unspoken language spoke between father's and son's for a millennium, he smiled and nodded. I turned towards the field and ran down the aisle all the way to the end and took my spot next to the other twenty or so boy's standing there on the third base line with their gloves watching their heroes.
      The Expos were doing their warmups and batting practice. And whenever a player was within earshot of us boy's we would start screaming their names trying to get their attention, and maybe a ball or an autograph. Not much was happening at first, Andre Dawson ignored us. So did Frank Taveras and Warren Cromartie. But then it happened. The Rock himself, Tim Raines came jogging over to all us kids. We were all excited screaming his name. He ran right up to me and said, "Hey kid, you got a pen?" I was dumbfounded but found the words to say," yes I do," and tossed him my pen. He jogged off towards the left field wall with it. I was so excited that Tim Raines even talked to me. But then all the other kids we're pumping me up by saying, "Oh yea, you're going to get an autograph for sure." I was like, "Really you think so?" This was a big deal to me, because at that young age I had never received an autograph, let alone from a superstar of Tim Raines statue. The other kids would say, "Yea you are, he wouldn't borrow your pen without giving you one."  That made perfect sense to me, so I was starting to get excited and was thinking, where in my bedroom was I going to display this monumental piece of baseball history? I was so enamoured by this thought as I stood there staring at Tim Raines  signing balls in left field and tossing them up to some scantily clad ladies. I completely ignored a very young Terry Francona who came by and autographed a bunch of balls for all the kids near me.

   After what seemed like an eternity. Tim Raines finished his last autograph to a blonde girl and tossed it up to her. He turned around and begun running towards me. "This is it kid." Is what the kid standing next to me said. I looked at him with the biggest smile and my heart began to pump so hard I could feel it in my chest. I turned toward the jogging Tim Raines and was thinking. How's he going to sign it? To My Boy Kevin From the Rock Tim Raines? I like that. It would look good next to my Brookville Baseball Championship Trophy.  As he got closer looking right at me, I began to yell "Tim...." Then it happened. He turned his head and tossed the pen at me and kept on going,  the pen hit me in the chest and it dropped to the field. I stood there for a second wondering what just occurred. Then it started to sink in, he borrowed my pen then tried to return it without an autograph not even a "Thank you kid." He used my pen to hit on some ladies who probably couldn't tell you what a double switch is or what the infield fly rule is about. Then with that same pen, he crushed the heart of  young boy who thought he was a superhero.  My smile turned into a frown and tears started to well up in my eyes. I turned and ran to my seat before any of the other kids could see me cry. My dad consoled me the best way he could with ice cream in a mini helmet and rubs on the head and I was smiling by the end of the game, the Reds won. But I left Riverfront Stadium that day a little more jaded and a whole lot less starstruck.

A Hollow in Dayton, Ohio.

As you all know I grew up in the Dayton, Ohio area. And am proud to call the region my hometown. The hardworking no thrills/gritty town made me the person I am today. And the many entertaining stories I have of this place could fill a blog. Thank goodness I have a blog to share them in. Here is one such story.

        When I was going to college back in the early nineties I would come home for the summers and occupy my time with, what many college kids do, a summer job. My summer job was bit cooler than most kids my age. I was hired, for a couple of summers in fact, by the Montgomery County Animal Shelter as a dog license compliance officer. What is this you ask? Well, the job entails a couple two men or women teams going to different neighborhoods throughout the county and Dayton in the late afternoons and canvassing neighborhoods. We would knock on peoples doors, ask if they had a dog, and if it was licensed. If not we would issue citations. Now, I know that sounds like a jerk thing to do, but it really was for the good of the animals. If a dog is licensed and got lost or escaped we could locate the owners quickly and return their beloved pet. If, heaven forbid, your dog got lost and hit by a car or injured, a licensed pet would get emergency vet care while an unlicensed dog would not. And if your dog got lost while, let's say you're on vacation or working out of town a licensed pet would get to stay at the shelter with no fear of being euthanized until the shelter contacted you. Plus it's the law. But at the end of the day it's for the furry faces after all.

 

       When I tell people about this job they always ask, "Weren't you afraid of the dogs attacking you?"  It's not the dogs that was doing the attacking. Case in point. 

         One day my partner and I were canvassing on the east side of Dayton off of Stanley Avenue. We always affectionately called this part of Dayton little Kentucky due to it's history. Back in the middle part of the twentieth century the city of Dayton's manufacturing sector was exploding and there were to many jobs and not enough people to fill them. Companies would go down to Appalachia in  south east Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia and Tennessee to recruit people to work in the factories. Many of them settled in the eastern part of the city. This influx of people has left a profound mark on Dayton that can still be felt today. But let's get back to that day we were canvassing off Stanley Avenue.

          It was a nice Saturday afternoon and we were enjoying our uneventful day. We befriended a group of young boys that followed us around as we canvassed the neighborhood. It's always good to do this because kids will tell you everything that's going on in the neighborhood and the information could be invaluable, like which houses were crack houses, so that way we could avoid those houses all together. We had been canvassing awhile when I  walked up to a property that I noticed a large amount of dogs (10 to be exact) pacing back and forth by the fence. I could already tell none of these canines had licenses displayed. I stopped at the gate and saw a guy working on his truck by the house. I called to him to please approach so I didn't have to open the gate releasing the dogs into the street. He came over to the fence we started off with some pleasantries. Asked how he was, how his day was going. Seemed like a nice gentleman.  Then I got to the reason of my visit. I explained I was with the Montgomery County Animal Shelter and we were canvassing the neighborhoods checking for compliance of the dog licensing laws and why they are important. He was smiling through all this until I asked about his dogs, and if they were licensed? He said no. I apologized to him but told him I was going to have to issue him a citation and requested his drivers license. He looked a little shocked, and I don't blame him to be honest. I told him I was technically suppose to write him a ticket for each dog, but because he was being cooperative and I didn't want to burden him with more financial strain because each ticket could run from $55 to $85,  I was only going to write him one ticket as long as he got all the dogs licensed. After all that's the most important thing isn't it? He got quite and looked at me, chewing his tobacco and spitting with folded arms. As I was writing his ticket I could see the gears turning in his head as he began to think what was going on here. I started to write faster knowing the sooner I'm done the more likelihood an incident could be avoided with minimum damage to both parties. But right as soon as I was to rip the copy, explain the ticket and hand it to him he looked me in the eye and points a finger and says  in that slow deliberate appalachian twang. "You know, if you were in a hollow in Kentucky you wouldn't be walking out of here alive."  I looked right back at him squarely in the eye and said firmly, "Well, I'm not in a hollow in Kentucky and you have ten dogs, so now you're getting ten citations."  The color left his face as I began to start writing him his ten citations he earned. Lesson of the day, Sometimes being a redneck can be expensive, if you let it get in the way of your judgement. 

Dancing Kevin Fan Page

Thanks to people more efficient and knowledgeable about things like the internet and Facebook. They have helped me create a fan page for Dancing Kevin. If you want to like it and see the many adventures and shenanigans I get into you can here at https://www.facebook.com/dancingkev?ref=tn_tnmn . If not I totally understand and do not blame you. But I really do hope to see you adding to the Dancing Kevin fan page.

Columbus Crew Vs New York Redbull.

I am so excited about today's matchup between my Columbus Crew and the New York Redbulls, I felt, since I'll be there, I'll post a few videos showcasing this nationally televised game on NBC Sports Network.

Kyle Martino and Arlo White talk MLS and Crew/NYRB at the Crew's training facility in Obetz

Don Garber talks to Ashleigh Ignelzi.

Black & Gold Breakdown Crew vs NYRB

Don Garber Press Conference - Crew Stadium

 

We're Family

 

This is Nordecke 

 

 

Nordecke Singing National Anthem

This is who we are and I hope you come join us at Crew Stadium or watch us on NBC Sports network to watch America's Hardest Working Team beat New York.

 

 

THE MASSIVE!

 Because this video doesn't just capture the Columbus Crew, an original and charter member of Major League Soccer. But also the entire feeling of a city a region and it's professional sports teams.. To Be Massive Is To Overcome. And To Overcome, One Must Be Massive.

BOB

I've been drinking until the sun peaked over the plains of eastern Colorado and it was glorious, because what I saw in that sun was Bobrovsky. GO BLUEJACKET'S!!!

Creeper Video Bomber

I was video bombing before Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat made it cool.

Dancing Kevin Banned From Being Shirtless?

If you like this tv commercial I did for Cheers Liquor Mart. Let them know. They want to do more tv commercials but because of some bad phone calls they want me to leave my shirt on. Although, probably a very  good thing. But how am I suppose to perform with it on? It would be weird don't you think? Go ahead call them and let them know you want Dancing Kevin Shirtless (719) 574-2244.Or write them at Cheers Liquor Mart
1105 N Circle Dr  Colorado Springs, CO 80909. Help a dancer out.  LOL  http://www.cheersliquormart.com/    

The Arty Party Goes Viral

As many of you might or might not know. I am a gigantic (no pun intended) Columbus Bluejacket's fan of the NHL. And several years ago I began ripping my shirt off and showing belly love to my favorite team. It has grown into something rather out of control. And a perfect example is this. A few weeks ago I danced at a game to Nellly's song, It's getting Hot in Here, because the Jacket's have been on a tear. A 12 game point streak, 10-2-4 in March. One of the big players in the Jacket's turn around this year is a Russian named Artem Anisimov, affectionately called Arty by his teammates and fans. In fact the Columbus Bluejacket's supporter group known as the Arch City Army http://archcityarmy.com/ termed the phrase, "It's an Arty Party." So it made sense for me to give Anisimov his well deserved belly love. This brings us back to the video. On that particular game day, 3/14/2013 against the Chicago Blackhawks, at the designated time, I stood up and danced my ass off, as I always do, for the greatest fans & team in the league. After I sat down I drank my beer and enjoyed the rest of the game, thinking nothing of it. A few days later the Columbus Bluejacket's put the video on their website. It started getting hits slowly at first, but then it got picked up by http://www.nhl.com/ and the video hits began to raise faster until today. When I looked at the video earlier  I was floored, it was at 6,400 views. No big deal right, I mean it's not like it's the cat playing piano video, but when I checked the video again in less than an hour it shot up to over 8,000 views. Is it possibly going viral? And if so, is that a good thing? I don't know, but I will leave it up to you to decide.

Random Farts!

It's been a while since I posted here in the Fart, and in that time some random thoughts have crossed my mind so I thought I would share them with my readers.(all three of them) Some of these may be funny, but most will be just dumb. So sit back with a beer and enjoy.

Chipotle, the Mexican Sushi Roll

I went to see Life of Pi. I was very disappointed. It had nothing to do with baking.

 I really hate the "Where Babies Come From," car commercial. If the kid asked me I would say ,"these nuts." And throw a pistachio at him.

I just realized at this stage of my life I'm George Costanza from Seinfeld.

 I hope the next Pope is more fashionable. I might go to church more if his holiness was a more snazzy dresser.

 I could live off an Oscar gift bag for a year.

 I always feel weird when I "Like" a post on Facebook about someone's loved one's passing. They should have a My Condolences option.

 I'm glad the IOC got rid of Wrestling. Now they can make Texas Hold em Poker an Olympic sport.

 Baby, I love you so much I put the lid down on the toilet after I'm done. 

 I wanna be known as white chocolate from now on.

 If I was a billionaire, I would have better socks.

 I feel like I'm dating twitter.

 Whenever I use a public restroom stall I like to yell "Fire in the hole!!" As a warning.

 People always fart around me because they know everybody blames the big guy. 

 Judging by all the personal trainers and weight loss companies following me on Twitter I may have a weight problem.

 I want to see Michael J Fox do a Harlem Shake video.... to soon?

I'm Going To Be On The Air

This Saturday Morning,March 2nd 2013, I'm going to be on the air with my friend and fellow comic Tim McKenna talking sports and comedy on ESPN 1580 in Colorado Springs. We will be on at 10:00 Am Mountain Time (12 pm Eastern Time). If you would like to listen to us talk sports and comedy or what ever else fancies us you can by listening live at http://www.espn1580.com/. And if you have a question about anything please feel free to call us at 719-694-2446. We'll talk belly love!

Cheers Liquor Mart Tv Commercials

I was just thinking I would share all the tv commercials I did last year for Cheers Liquor Mart here in Colorado Springs. I'll start from the first one and end on the holiday one I did. I hope you enjoy them. And please feel free to comment and share this blog with anybody you wish. Now sit back with an adult beverage or two and a bowl of popcorn..

Thought I would throw in one from Q104 from Halifax. :)

Ode to the 24 Pack of Crayons

 

ODE TO THE 24 PACK OF CRAYONS

 By Melissa Getz AKA Getzilla

     The 96 pack of crayons were for the non creative kids. 

As a child, with only the 24 pack, you had to squeeze mileage out of each and every crayon.

The precious colored wax was not wasted on frivolous pictures, nor were they distributed

to classmates.

Every colored stick in the ostentatious 96 pack cried out to be  used, only to be passed up for another.

Jealousy and tension  ranked high in the lavish pack.

Crayons were bitter in that four or five looked nearly the same, only with a slight

variation in tone.

But the 24 pack, abused and rounded down.

Knew each one would eventually be a part of the picture.

And if one was gone they could not perform.

All the pigments were necessary to compliment and contrast.

(Unlike the 96 pack. Replacements lurked every where.)

In closing. 

This is a story about character and creativity.

Drawing a masterpiece with 24 crayons takes creativity.

And asking your friends, who have the 96 pack, for a crayon,

builds character.

Thank You.

Melissa Getz, AKA Getzilla: Melissa's three dimensional sculpture showcase straightforward subject matter and titles with a narrative quality throughout the work.

The work consists of stylistic bronze and mixed media in a representational form of figures and objects with a touch of lowbrow.
The heavy handed human forms sit next to fluid, jaunty animal pieces that are frozen in mid movement.  All with an underlying tone of humor.
Closeness to nature and creatures, create the basis for the artist's inspiration.  This love of nature as well as the appreciation for the depth of the artist's own emotional discoveries is revealed in the art.
Melissa grew up in what was once rural Ohio, next to her grandfather's farm.  She has worked outdoors all her life whether planting annuals in flower beds or cutting down beetle infested pines in the Pike National Forest.
Melissa currently lives in Colorado Springs and gets out into nature as much as possible with Kevin and their mutt, Rudy. http://www.bluecanvas.com/getzilla and http://www.mgetzilla.com/index.html

The Hooker and The Pork Chop

 I was lucky enough to grow up in the great state of Ohio, and in particular the nice town of Brookville Ohio. A great lil town that the Beav would love to call home. The only dilemma, it was less then ten minutes by car away from the city of Dayton. A great city to be from with a long and proud history. The only problem, like a lot of rust belt cities, the city had seen it's better days. The home of the Wright brothers, Emma Bombeck and Paul Laurence Dunbar, was in the grips of the crack wars and crime that followed in my formative years. It was known as little Detroit, but not because of the long history of automotive prowress (at one time Dayton produced more cars than Detroit), but because of the crime that permeated this midwest city. Which was great for young teenage kids like me. Why do you ask? Simple, you could travel into the the city and go to the drive thru and get as much beer or liquor as you want and no one cared. The police, in those days, had more important  things to worry about than a couple of dumb ass teenagers with a case of Bud Dry. You may be asking, "what the hell is a drive thru?"  It's just what it say's. A building you can actually drive through, order your poison and roll out with a party in your car.

  

 And in Dayton the drive through was and still is a sight to behold. There are more of these fine establishments than any city I have ever lived in then and ever since. There were places in town that there were four drive thru's on one corner.  They have it down to a science. They would have a guy at the opening asking for your id(lol) and what you wanted. Then he would yell to the guy inside what  your beverage of choice was for the evening, that guy would grab it out of the cooler and yell to another guy what you got. Then you would pay the last guy and was on your marry way. The entire transaction took maybe three minutes on a busy night. Great system, which my friends and I used regularly.
     Well this Friday night, I will never forget, my buddies and I got together for a night of general teenage shenanigans like we usually did every weekend. We wanted to grab some beer and the usual channels we used dried up. So we got in my buddy Jaime's red camaro with T-Tops. Back home in Dayton Ohio we called that the Dayton Ferrai. We headed out to the Westside of Dayton bumping N.W.A. because that shit was the jam back then, looking for our adult beverages.

It was Jaime, and I in the front seat and Mark sitting in the back seat, and we pulled off Gettysburg Avenue onto a side street. I had no idea where Jaime was heading, but figured he knew so I didn't fret. We pulled into a drive thru. I couldn't tell you where it was but I can tell you this, I will never forget it, it was a red building with pac man painted on the side of it. And, oh yes, a couple of ladies of the evening, ok hookers, milling around talking to cars waiting in line. We pulled in behind a car to get our happy juice. As we sat there we couldn't help but notice this particular lady. standing behind the other hookers wearing a gold mesh shirt, braless, with cut off jeans with a gigantic rip showing off her cootchy pop. Leaving nothing to your imagination. But that's not what stood out about her. What stood out was the rather juicy pork chop she was munching on. I thought to my self," she obviously is working through lunch, kudos girl."
  Of course Jaime noticed and started talking about how we should pick her up for some fun. I was against it right away, telling him I'm not into this. Mark acted kind of excited but not really committing. I told Jaime we should just get our beer and forget it. He relented, we got our case of Bud Dry and pulled out of the drive thru excited about meeting some ladies at a house party in New Lebanon. As we pulled out though, there she was, still munching on that pork chop hungerly . Jaime slowed down, I begged to no avail. Jaime pulled over, Mark was excited, I was terrified. Jaime swung the door open and said hello. She walked over licking her fingers while still holding her half eaten pork chop.
  "Hay Baby, wanna date?" she said
   And as she picked her teeth Jaime asked, "How much for all three?"
  She took a bite of her pork chop, I was starting to get hungry actually, and said, "For all three $100."
I shook my head and said to Jaime, "No man, come on." He just looked at me smiled and said, "Ok, get in."
I buried my head thinking to my self,"great we're underage with a case of beer and a hooker, how is Katie and Virgil going to take this when they come to pick me up from jail. And I'm not going to get into the college of my choice now."
   My heart dropped to my ankles as she started to step into the Dayton Ferrai. All I could see was Mark's smiling face. Then all of a sudden Jaime floored it and the Camaro lurched forward and the hooker fell on her backside. I yelled, "You asshole!" as we pulled away and looked back. Expecting to see a pimp cadillac chasing us. All I saw was the hooker in the middle of the street yelling and shaking her pork chop angrily at us before launching it at the car that did her wrong. She had quite an arm, she could of played QB for the Buckeyes, that pork chop landed with a loud thud onto the back of the Camaro window and stuck there until Jaime turned abruptly onto Gettysburg causing the pork chop to slide off the window. Hooker spit is powerful. Just another night in Dayton, Ohio.

                               

Stand Up or Shut Up

Sorry it's been a while since I posted on the Daily Fart. I was out of town in Ohio shaking and shimming for the Columbus Bluejacket's.

But I'm back in Colorado and ready to promote my next thing. The monthly Stand Up Or Shut Up Open Mic Comedy Night. The best open mic in the state.

Stand Up or Shut Up is always held the last Monday of every month At Thunder and Buttons II http://www.thunderandbuttons.com/   Located at 2415 West Colorado Avenue in Colorado Springs.
Phone Number is 719- 447-9888

This Month Stand Up or Shut up falls on Monday Feb 25 and starts at 8:30 pm
21+, adult humor
No cover and no item minimum
Drink specials
Sign up by 8:30 to perform,(1) free beer to each participant

Come see 10-20 professional, amateur and destined-to-be-forever-amateur stand up comedians from all over the Front Range.

The SOS has been providing the best outlet for aspiring and pro comics to the Springs for over 0.57 dog years already and we’ll gladly take the right buttock off some mailman before we quit now. Join us and the Thunder & Buttons team for a few good beers and some great jokes. Do not attempt to feed or pet any of the comics and direct eye contact is discouraged. Hope to see all of you there. If you can't make it please share this with friends that might want to go. For more information go to https://www.facebook.com/events/546975628653951/

$580 MILLION DOLLAR POWERBALL WINNER!

My name is Kevin. I am not one of the winners of the $580 MILLION DOLLAR Powerball jackpot! I will have to work until I'm dead! Like and share this picture and I will give one lucky person some belly button lint and a half eaten bag of Flamin' Hot Funyuns !

Generational Genocide

     Since I moved to Colorado several years back I am asked frequently, "I bet you ski a lot?" Not exactly. I had an experience many years ago back in Ohio that forced me to hang up my skis for the betterment of human kind.
      It was a snowy Friday and some fellow co workers and I decided it would be a great idea to head to the Ohio Alp ( noticed I said Alp not Alps) to Mad River Mountain (glorified hill) http://www.skimadriver.com/. Ohio's premier ( yes I went there) skiing resort, for an evening of skiing bliss.

             Actual picture of Mad River Mountain.

         We piled out of my friends van just as the last rays of sunlight disappeared over the horizon. Maybe it was the changing of the day to dusk or the crisp winter air, but I felt alive, ready to tackle this hill like Charlie Sheen tackles sobriety. We entered the building payed our money and rented our skis. As we exited my friends headed to the ski lift. I told them since I have never really skied before I would go to the bunny hill and do a few runs and then meet up with them to ,cheesy double finger gun pumps, shred the hill later. I felt so boss, I was sure this whole skiing thing was going to be a total breeze.
          As I approached the bunny hill I walked by a sign that said, "This way to the puppy hill." Puppy Hill, what's that? I walked to a little bump in the terrain and saw it covered with small children zipping down it's face. I thought to myself I'm just as novice as these guys why not latch my skis on and give it a go. I climbed the hill secured my skis to my boots then approached and looked over the precipice. As I stood there looking down the hill my confidence waned. It looked a lot higher and steeper from this angle. Fear began to take hold, I stabbed the snow hard with my poles to prevent an accidental plunge over the side. I was froze with terror until a little, I like to call him my hero, snapped me out of it with  these words of wisdom." Hey tubby, you going to get out of the way or go down the hill, I don't have all day?"  He was right, we didn't have all day. I turned to the five or six year old and confidently said. "I'm going over the side." With all my courage I closed my eyes and sprang down the hill squatting at the knees like I have always seen Olympic athletes do. As I picked up speed I felt the air in my hair. I opened my eyes and I was actually skiing. I couldn't believe it I was actually doing it. Kids were zipping by me like I was standing still, but I didn't care as I screamed at every one that blew by me "I'm skiing, I'm skiing!" The ride, although only took a couple of minutes, felt like an eternity. I felt like I was tearing down some black diamond run in Aspen. As I reached the bottom of the run a dilemma arose . How do I stop? I guess I didn't think this through. So I let instinct kick in, and laid down. The crash wasn't to bad and it accomplished what I wanted it to, it stopped my free fall. As I struggled getting up I was pretty pleased. I headed to the top to do it again. The second run was better than the first, and when I got to the bottom I actually stopped without falling. I looked around and said "I got this." I was starting to get pretty confident.  I'll do one more run on this puppy hill then move to the bunny hill.
        When I got to the top of the puppy hill for the third and last run, I must admit, that confidence turned into cockyness. I started bragging to the little kids at the top of the hill how this was my first time skiing, and I was better than some of their parents already. Then as I waited for my turn I turned to the kid next to me and said, "Why doesn't this chick go already, we don't have all day (laughing)." She finally went and I looked at the kid next to me with a stupid face and said. "About time. Now watch and see how this is done." I flung myself over the side. As my skis touched the snow I already knew something was wrong. I flung myself over the side to hard and was going to fast. My eyes got as big as saucers as I screamed "GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!" That is when I hit the first child. Poor girl didn't see it coming. She glanced off my right leg which caused my leg to lift off the ground and I began to spin. That is when I clothes lined the second child with my leg. This caused me to spin more violently and I clothes lined two maybe three more kids, I don't know it happened so fast but I did feel their little throats crash into my knee, and saw their little bodies fly through the air like rag dolls. It was horrible. Then I fell and began rolling down the hill bouncing up and down my skis flew off  in different directions. I felt more children glance off my body as I barrelled down the hill.. To the right then the left, good god will this ever end? Then finally my momentum was slowed from the constant barrage of little people striking my body, I came to a halt staring at the sky. I moved and checked to make sure I was in one piece. Than at that moment the hillside began to cry and groan in unison, like it was alive. I struggled to my knees and turned to see the carnage I was responsible for lying on the hillside behind me. I wiped out a whole generation on that hill. It looked like the aftermath of the Alabama/ Notre Dame Nation Championship game.  Parents began streaming up the hill to comfort their children and to curse at the adult individual that ran over their offspring. I heard the whistles of the ski patrol, so I picked up my skis and slinked off, turned them in and disappeared into the crowd at the lodge, vowing. "As Sonny Bono as my witness, I will never ski again."

New Super Hero!

I hear it's going to be really windy tomorrow, so I think I'm going to wear a cape and do a super hero pose on every corner.

 

     "Bring the wind of Armageddon. For I shall not be moved!" ... Corny Made Up Super Hero quote.

Buck Needs Bucks For His BuckShot.

I came across this video today on Youtube and being a dog lover it really truly bothered me. If someone could do this to a poor defenseless animal that just wants to love unconditionally than what could this monster do to another human being? I'll post the video and the link to the Facebook page where you can get more information on how to help not only Buck but other neglected dog's that need help. Thank you for reading and helping out if you can.

Started on January 5, 2013

In Conroe, Texas.Buck was found Saturday morning, January 5, 2013, by my neighbor as he was driving to the store. Buck was inside a tied contractor garbage bag and the bag was tied to a t-post of a fence. My neighbor noticed the bag moving and stopped and realized there was a dog inside. He tore the bag open and there was Buck. He was bloody, limping, and lethargic. They called me and I came and got the dog and took him to the emergency clinic. I do not have funds to pay for his expenses, so I have set up this Facebook page for Buck so that people can donate to his cause and monitor his progress. Please donate. I am an animal rescuer and will rise to the occasion to help an animal in need. However, I am not independently weathly and rescuers need help helping animals. Please be so kind and make a donation. https://www.facebook.com/Buckneedsbucks

The NHL Is Back

     When I awoke this early afternoon, it was noon, I groggily sat in front of my computer and turned it on. Not expecting anything exciting but the same random spam in my mailbox. As I entered my password for my Facebook page the first thing I see on my wall is a post from good friend, and Columbus Bluejackets beat writer for the Columbus Dispatch, Aaron Portzline that only stated "Got my job back today." I was in shock because that could only can mean one thing. I struggled typing www.dispatch.com as fast as I could to get the official word.  As the page came into view there it was on the front page, a picture so beautiful it made this fan tear up with tears of joy. Nationwide Arena with the caption, "NHL Lockout Over."

 Oh the most sweet sounding thing I have heard in a very long time. I'm not going to bore you with the details of the tentative ten year agreement. Or all the hard work that the league and the players are going to have to do to mend relations with an angry fanbase that have endured four work stoppages, two in four years,  the past twenty years. There are many fences to mend, I agree. No, I am going to tell you how I felt this morning (afternoon) as I read that beautiful article.

                           IT IS TIME!! GO BLUEJACKET'S!!