The Hooker and The Pork Chop

 I was lucky enough to grow up in the great state of Ohio, and in particular the nice town of Brookville Ohio. A great lil town that the Beav would love to call home. The only dilemma, it was less then ten minutes by car away from the city of Dayton. A great city to be from with a long and proud history. The only problem, like a lot of rust belt cities, the city had seen it's better days. The home of the Wright brothers, Emma Bombeck and Paul Laurence Dunbar, was in the grips of the crack wars and crime that followed in my formative years. It was known as little Detroit, but not because of the long history of automotive prowress (at one time Dayton produced more cars than Detroit), but because of the crime that permeated this midwest city. Which was great for young teenage kids like me. Why do you ask? Simple, you could travel into the the city and go to the drive thru and get as much beer or liquor as you want and no one cared. The police, in those days, had more important  things to worry about than a couple of dumb ass teenagers with a case of Bud Dry. You may be asking, "what the hell is a drive thru?"  It's just what it say's. A building you can actually drive through, order your poison and roll out with a party in your car.

  

 And in Dayton the drive through was and still is a sight to behold. There are more of these fine establishments than any city I have ever lived in then and ever since. There were places in town that there were four drive thru's on one corner.  They have it down to a science. They would have a guy at the opening asking for your id(lol) and what you wanted. Then he would yell to the guy inside what  your beverage of choice was for the evening, that guy would grab it out of the cooler and yell to another guy what you got. Then you would pay the last guy and was on your marry way. The entire transaction took maybe three minutes on a busy night. Great system, which my friends and I used regularly.
     Well this Friday night, I will never forget, my buddies and I got together for a night of general teenage shenanigans like we usually did every weekend. We wanted to grab some beer and the usual channels we used dried up. So we got in my buddy Jaime's red camaro with T-Tops. Back home in Dayton Ohio we called that the Dayton Ferrai. We headed out to the Westside of Dayton bumping N.W.A. because that shit was the jam back then, looking for our adult beverages.

It was Jaime, and I in the front seat and Mark sitting in the back seat, and we pulled off Gettysburg Avenue onto a side street. I had no idea where Jaime was heading, but figured he knew so I didn't fret. We pulled into a drive thru. I couldn't tell you where it was but I can tell you this, I will never forget it, it was a red building with pac man painted on the side of it. And, oh yes, a couple of ladies of the evening, ok hookers, milling around talking to cars waiting in line. We pulled in behind a car to get our happy juice. As we sat there we couldn't help but notice this particular lady. standing behind the other hookers wearing a gold mesh shirt, braless, with cut off jeans with a gigantic rip showing off her cootchy pop. Leaving nothing to your imagination. But that's not what stood out about her. What stood out was the rather juicy pork chop she was munching on. I thought to my self," she obviously is working through lunch, kudos girl."
  Of course Jaime noticed and started talking about how we should pick her up for some fun. I was against it right away, telling him I'm not into this. Mark acted kind of excited but not really committing. I told Jaime we should just get our beer and forget it. He relented, we got our case of Bud Dry and pulled out of the drive thru excited about meeting some ladies at a house party in New Lebanon. As we pulled out though, there she was, still munching on that pork chop hungerly . Jaime slowed down, I begged to no avail. Jaime pulled over, Mark was excited, I was terrified. Jaime swung the door open and said hello. She walked over licking her fingers while still holding her half eaten pork chop.
  "Hay Baby, wanna date?" she said
   And as she picked her teeth Jaime asked, "How much for all three?"
  She took a bite of her pork chop, I was starting to get hungry actually, and said, "For all three $100."
I shook my head and said to Jaime, "No man, come on." He just looked at me smiled and said, "Ok, get in."
I buried my head thinking to my self,"great we're underage with a case of beer and a hooker, how is Katie and Virgil going to take this when they come to pick me up from jail. And I'm not going to get into the college of my choice now."
   My heart dropped to my ankles as she started to step into the Dayton Ferrai. All I could see was Mark's smiling face. Then all of a sudden Jaime floored it and the Camaro lurched forward and the hooker fell on her backside. I yelled, "You asshole!" as we pulled away and looked back. Expecting to see a pimp cadillac chasing us. All I saw was the hooker in the middle of the street yelling and shaking her pork chop angrily at us before launching it at the car that did her wrong. She had quite an arm, she could of played QB for the Buckeyes, that pork chop landed with a loud thud onto the back of the Camaro window and stuck there until Jaime turned abruptly onto Gettysburg causing the pork chop to slide off the window. Hooker spit is powerful. Just another night in Dayton, Ohio.