It's Body Shot's Time

That's right friends! Let's start the line at http://www.cheersliquormart.com/

   

Latest Cheers Liquor Mart Tv Commercial

   Just wanted to share the latest Tv commercial I did for Cheers Liquor Mart with all of you. It's very festive for the holiday season. I hope you enjoy it and leave plenty of comments! Merry Christmas!

Alien Abduction Caught On Camera

   A few years ago as we were traveling through New Mexico we stopped near the small city of Roswell. Better known for the alleged UFO crash in 1947. And every year the city celebrates that happening with a campy festival celebrating all things alien including a mini marathon called the Alien Chase. It was a very good time and I suggest you should travel there for it if you have the time. http://www.ufofestivalroswell.com/
But amongst this backdrop an event so startling, so chilling occurred that changed me and my thoughts on extraterrestrials  forever. This pains me to admit, but I was abducted by an alien. And although the details of that day are cloudy and I am suffering from missed time there is unequivocal proof that extraterrestrials are real and at the bottom of alien abductions around the world. My travel partner at the time was able to snap a few pictures of the horrendous event as I was taken away against my will. But before I show you this world changing photo, I must warn you it is graphic. And it may not be suitable for all. But here we go............

Chilling isn't it? I get terrified every time I see it. I wonder what your thoughts are? Please share this photo and story with friends, loved ones, media and government authorities. The world must know about them. :)

Buckeyes Are Perfect & Tom Brady Cries

I feel solace knowing that right now somewhere in New England Tom Brady is alone in his ugg boots crying because the Buckeyes beat Michigan. Then he looks at his 3 rings & flicks his adonis type hair and forgets about it until next year. But for a few minutes he did cry. GO BUCKEYES!!

Because it Still matters.

Because this is my favorite version and this song matters today as it did then.

 

Love Everybody!

 A very good video and message that I felt had to be shared in the blogasphere . Stop believing what the news is selling. The world isn't completely falling apart. This video shows that it's not all bad in this world. 

If you love this share it. And go to www.loveeverybody.com . Let's take this world back from negativity and despair one good deed at a time.

Schroeder The Magnificent, City Builder

     Don't let the title fool you. I didn't spend this beautiful day helping building a better society or create harmony in the city I live in. No I did something that was much harder. I built an entire city with it's zoning, services, and infrastructure from the ground up. All the while keeping my citizens happy and employed. I am a demigod. Well at least in Sim City 4. That's right I wasted the entire day building a make believe city in a make believe world. How pathetic huh? I said to myself I would only play for thirty minutes. But as the buildings grew, and my tax revenue raised, I got caught up in the whole thing. Yes my SIMs need more education, I built them a school, then a college, and finally a University. Wait my city needs culture, so I build museums then an art museum, and finally an opera. My SIMs are now afraid of the crime wave sweeping through this growing city. I need more police stations and now I need a jail so that goes in. And so on and so on until 100'000's of new SIM's are flocking to my utopia city. Then an expansion MLB baseball team wants to come to my city, I build a stadium for them. Suddenly they are cheering my name and want to build a giant statue of me in my honor. Of course why not? But let's make it a focal point of the cities gleaming new center. So I create a square surrounded by parks and landmarks. Then I build skyscrapers like the CNN tower and the Empire State Building. My city is becoming a metropolis. A shining beacon of hope and progress. And I am the leader of this Capital of Perfection. I am adored by my SIM's. They name children after me. Paint masterpieces of me. My birthday is a national holiday celebrated by them. This must be how Hitler felt. Of course minus all the persecution of the jews and warmongering. I am great. Call me Schroeder the Magnificent HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Evil Laugh)!!! Then suddenly the phone rings, and I am snapped back to reality and the realization that I just wasted six hours of my life that I will never get back. I'm not magnificent, I'm ridiculous

Alien Movie Failed Prototype.

 A failed prototype of the Alien from the movie Alien. If the alien looked like this I don't think the film would of been as successful as it was.

Tuesday Night at The Fights and the Skoal Bandit

       I was reminded of a  funny story from my youth today.Back when doing stupid things were almost a daily occurrence. And this story falls in that category. It was back in 1990 my freshman year and only year spent at the University of Cincinnati. A great but short year. Maybe it was my immaturity, my laziness, my lack of a clear path for my future, or the fact I joined a fraternity. In all likely hood it was a combination of all three things that made the university ask me to please not return for another year. But that year created some very fond memories and this is one.
       Like I said I was a member of greek fraternal organization. And like all guys in a fraternity we liked to hang out together, drink beer and mingle with members of the opposite sex. And on this Tuesday night there was one place where guys on a limited budget could do both. It was a place called Mr. K's and every Tuesday night it was nickle beer night. Four dollars could get a whole group feeling pretty good. And the place always seemed to be full of pretty young ladies that were easy to talk to after being properly juiced up. The only problem with Mr. K's is that it had a reputation of being a little rowdy. We affectionately called going there "a night at the fights." The reason for this was because Mr. K's was an eighteen and up bar, but due to the proximity to Kentucky the bar got a lot of young high school rednecks with fake id's that were looking for a rowdy time. And that night was no different, so we always made sure we went there in groups of 5 or more. This tended to keep the chances of an altercation down. This night the group had as a member a guy named JP. JP is a great guy, always boisterous, fun to be around, good looking, and always seemed to have a dip in. People always liked having him around because things were going to be fun when JP walked into the room. That night as the evening got later, the music got louder, and the beer flowed. Our inhibitions seemed to take a back seat and we started to talk to a group of fine Kentucky ladies. They were fun and we were enjoying our time with them. But like in every group there is always that one. The one with a spark, more beautiful than the others. The one all the guys want to impress. And in this group it was a gorgeous brunette. It was no surprise to all of us that she gravitated towards JP and him to her. And soon they were talking and laughing together in the back corner of the bar sharing the same bar stool. As the evening got older they got even closer. Then finally the DJ played a song the girl really loved and she grabbed JP by the hand and led him to the dance floor. They began to sway back and forth getting closer and closer until finally they were one big lump of young hormones quivering on the dance floor. Then they began to kiss passionately, the entire bar saw them because by this time the song was over and they didn't seem to notice. They kept kissing. We other guys were all thinking how lucky JP was making out with the hottest girl in the bar. Maybe we were a bit jealous to but that's how it goes. Then suddenly JP showed up at the table alone with a strange dumbfounded look on his face. We all asked, where was the girl? Why wasn't he with her? He just looked at us and said.
     "You are not going to believe this. Everything was going great up until she kissed me. We were out there on the dance floor dancing. Then she grabbed me and started making out with me. Then all of a sudden I felt her tongue go into the front of my lip and she took the dip I had in out with her tongue and now she has it in her lip."
      We couldn't believe it. We all started screaming and laughing. We didn't believe him, until we turned around and saw the hot brunette spit out some spit juice into a cup. We could not contain ourselves any more, we all lost it. We started trying to figure out what was her motivation? Did she think it would turn JP on that she could do something so dexterously with her tongue? Or does she just like to dip that much? Either way that was the last Tuesday night that we ever went to at Mr. K's.

I feel exposed

I feel exposed, naked to this cold cold world.... Oh wait, let me put some pants on.

It's Election Day, Let's Stop the Capital Hill Romper Room

     Since it's Election day, I figured this picture of a sculpture from Melissa Getz, AKA Getzilla was appropriate. It's called "Capital Hill Romper Room." So make sure you do your civic duty America and vote today.

P.S. if you want to see more art by Melissa Getz, check her out  at these links      http://www.bluecanvas.com/getzilla      
http://www.mgetzilla.com/
http://community.ovationtv.com/service/displayKickPlace.kickAction?u=2573949&as=16878

 

John Davidson Takes Over The Columbus Bluejackets

     If you read this blog for any amount of time, you will realize that I am a proud Ohio boy through and through. And that I will go off on random rants about the place of my birth and the many loves that I hold true and dear to my heart. The Columbus Bluejackets are one of those true loves. Although, at times, it's been rough and heartbreaking to be a Bluejackets fan, I've never wavered, along with millions of other CBJ fans (Regardless what people think, there really are that many fans, people), in my love and fandom for them. I think the hockey gods have been listening, minus this lockout of course.  After years of being the doormat of the NHL, only making the playoffs one time since they joined the league in 2000, the owners have made what I believe will be the biggest impact hiring in the history of the organization. They hired John Davidson as the president of hockey operations on October 24th, 2012. A bona fide proven hockey man that has experience of turning around a struggling team in St. Louis. This hire gives instant credibility to the Bluejackets organization, and instant relief to a fan base in dire need of good news. And I can say for this fan, since the announcement I haven't been able to stop smiling or shimmying. I'm ready to give John Davidson some belly love. And I will the next time I dance at Nationwide Arena on that beautiful new jumbotron, I promise you that. But before then, get your Bluejackets fill by checking out these great video's by the Columbus Bluejackets Youtube page on the day John Davidson took over as President of Hockey Operations.

       

Drunk Guy on PBR Butchers a Song

    I'm in the middle of what I call a social experiment. I am drinking a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon with a 24 oz chaser of Hamms and filming it for future generations on YouTube. It's a Milwaukee night in my liver, so join the party. But before the final movie is done I decided I would tease my followers with me butchering a Billy Joel song. I hope you enjoy it. If you do you are tone deaf.

Looking Cool as I Fold Panties

         There are always situations, people or experiences that firmly keeps you humble and reminds where you stand in the joke that is the great reality tv show called life. Today I had such a moment. I recently started a new job. I will not name the title of the fine establishment due to a confidentiality agreement I signed when I was hired on. But let's just say it's a one stop shopping experience and it's not Walmart ( I believe the antichrist lives there).

        As a new hire I've been going through training, and today was the day I was initiated, as the other guys in the backroom call it. I was assigned to the intimate apparel section of the store to learn the ins and outs of that department. The guys in the back smiled and started ribbing me about it. Telling me to enjoy my time in braville and don't look anybody in the eye. Maybe it was the fact that I grew up in a house full of women, but I really didn't see what the big deal was actually. I bid the guys adieu and made my way to the intimate apparel section vowing that I will carry on.

      When I got to the intimate section I met a group of ladies happily separating ladies privies, unwrapping them and sorting them. I introduced myself and got to work. They told me that most men at the store avoid their section like a plague. I again was surprised. I mean really, I've done a heck of a lot worse than put a few bras away.

             I got busy hanging bras up on the different racks. I was astonished at all the different sizes, colors, patterns and varieties there were just to do one job. It's like having different stylish forks to eat the same salad. I'm not complaining mind you, I'm all for you ladies to wrap your lady lumps in anything you want that makes you feel comfortable or saucey. You deserve it. But now as I look at you ladies I'm going to be constantly wondering, is she wearing the pink starburst  Hanes push up bra? And  my eyes will fixate at that part of your body as I try to figure it out, causing you to think I am some kind of creeper. When in all actuality I just have a case of taking my work home with me. So Don't judge me.

             By the time I had moved to the nursing bras, that's a different set of questions all together now, the store had opened and we filled up with customers. This is when the guys told me it would get really bad. I was confused by that logic though. I mean if I was younger and single, like a lot of those guys in the back, I would love to work in this part of the store everyday. I mean what other part of the store will be full of nothing but ladies shopping for there personals and asking you for help. It's a Ron Jeremy dream job. And as I was coming to this realization the first lovely lady asked for my assistance. I put on my suave voice and said, "Can I help you?" She asked me, "Yes do you know where I can find the matching panties that go with this bra?" "Sure would you like to follow me?" As I began to lead her to the panties I began to hear in my mind, bow chica wow wow. And I felt the only thing that would make this scene any better is if I had a cheesy moustache, a buttoned down silk shirt and cognac in one hand. I felt like the porn pied piper. I was cool. After I helped her the ladies kept coming with questions and Rico Suave Schroeder kept helping them. I felt these other guys are morons, I'm going to work in this section everyday. 

          After lunch I returned to the intimates (As I will call them from now on followed by a wink and blow on a finger pistol before I shoot you with it.). We moved on to stocking the panty part of the floor. This is when most men would blush i guess, but not Rico Suave Schroeder. I embraced the shame. The lady told me to work a row of bins. I looked at them and said "Why is the silly string in the intimates, shouldn't it be in toys?" She said "No, those are thongs." Really, are you serious? Why even bother forking over $10 for something when all you have to do is get a cheap spool of yarn and cut a little off each day and wrap it around you. What does this stuff even cover? Because it sure doesn't cover modesty. But I didn't falter. I filled the silly string thong bin up with more silly string thongs and moved on. The next bin was filled with eye patches. Or as the lady called them modest thongs. As I was filling the bin contemplating how many pirate eyes this bin could cover it happened. A small boy, about 5 or 6, say's to his mom. "Why is that creepy old man playing with ladies under thingys?" I looked up and we locked eyes. That's when I remembered the guys earlier in the day saying "Whatever you do, don't look anybody in the eye." As I stared at this little boy with an awkward look holding a red thong like Jerry Sandusky being caught in the showers. His mother gasped and grabbed the boy off the floor and hurried him, by that I mean ran, out of the intimates leaving the shame to embrace me. 

Special Delivery: Confidence

        I had quite an interesting experience today. One that kind of surprised me, and put a smile on my face when it really kind of needed it. Now, I don't want you to think I am some kind of egotistical butthead that needs to have his ego stroked and relishes in being the center of the universes attention. Although I am a bit of a media whore and maybe do kinda sometimes like being the center of an, I don't know, atom, but who doesn't right? I mean it's nice to be the Kim Kardashian at the party, the least talented in the room but everybody still wants your picture. Makes the rest of your dreary day and pathetic life bearable. But I digress. Let's get back to the events of this day that made it The Daily Fart Blog worthy. I was leaving my house as our nice Asian (That really has no bearing on the story, just trying to paint a picture. Make you think he was about to say something very Confucius like in that stereotypical way that we other races, for some weird reason, portray them to sound like as we squint our eyes stupidly.) postman was walking through the gate with our mail. I greeted him with a hello and he likewise. Than he stopped looked at me and asked, "Are the rumors true?"
       "What rumors?" I asked.
        "That the shirtless dancing guy from the Cheers Liquor Mart Tv commercials lives at this address?"
          I told him, "Yes, that's me."
          He looked at me with a grin and began going off, "I knew that was you, I just knew it. I can't believe it. I love those commercials. You got to put it here man." As we fist bumped he continued. "People have told me that at this address that the Cheers Guy lived here but i didn't believe them. Wait until I tell people that I  delivered mail to the Cheers guy."
         I smiled and said " I'm sure they won't care. It's not that big of a deal"
         He was like "No man, we all talk about your commercials down at the station. We love you. I got to tell my friend Eric, you know the tall black guy that sometimes delivers your mail, that the rumor is true. He  absolutely loves you."
        I said "sure and thanks I really appreciate it."
          "No problem man, thank you. I'm glad I got to meet you man. Keep doing what you're doing" And he walked off.
        As he walked off I thought, wow I touched him. I really made a difference to him and his friends. I influenced them. Grant it, it was where they should buy their alcoholic beverages. But it made them smile and feel good for the 30 or so seconds as my shirtless body was shaking and shimmying on their tv scenes. And if that made them forget the crappy boring inertia of their daily lives than that is something isn't it?

         

The First Fart and I'm Claiming It!

     Today is a historic day my friends. For today an epic blog has been created and unleashed on the masses. A blog to be inhaled and enjoyed. A blog so profound that you can taste it... Of course, it will probably not be this particular blog, created by this rather simple, mundane individual. But I promise you, this blog will separate itself from the millions of others that infiltrate this ever expanding internet that Al Gore graciously invented, with bad spelling, horrific grammar, and a complete butchery of the English language. But along with that I will share stories, tidbits, and puns that, perhaps, I only find entertaining in the vast space that occupies my inner cranium. Maybe I'll share a video or an image of a kitty that I find amusing. Or perhaps a ramble or rant on politics, social commentary, or on the bad fish I had at the local Long John Silver. Who knows? I don't know where this blog is going to go, but isn't that the fun part? I hope you find it entertaining and help me figure this whole thing out with comments, suggestions, and beer. I will always listen, especially with an adult beverage. So, sit back enjoy the sarcasm and the ride. Until the next time I will leave you with this quote from a very smart man.

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass

- Martin Luther