Random Farts!

It's been a while since I posted here in the Fart, and in that time some random thoughts have crossed my mind so I thought I would share them with my readers.(all three of them) Some of these may be funny, but most will be just dumb. So sit back with a beer and enjoy.

Chipotle, the Mexican Sushi Roll

I went to see Life of Pi. I was very disappointed. It had nothing to do with baking.

 I really hate the "Where Babies Come From," car commercial. If the kid asked me I would say ,"these nuts." And throw a pistachio at him.

I just realized at this stage of my life I'm George Costanza from Seinfeld.

 I hope the next Pope is more fashionable. I might go to church more if his holiness was a more snazzy dresser.

 I could live off an Oscar gift bag for a year.

 I always feel weird when I "Like" a post on Facebook about someone's loved one's passing. They should have a My Condolences option.

 I'm glad the IOC got rid of Wrestling. Now they can make Texas Hold em Poker an Olympic sport.

 Baby, I love you so much I put the lid down on the toilet after I'm done. 

 I wanna be known as white chocolate from now on.

 If I was a billionaire, I would have better socks.

 I feel like I'm dating twitter.

 Whenever I use a public restroom stall I like to yell "Fire in the hole!!" As a warning.

 People always fart around me because they know everybody blames the big guy. 

 Judging by all the personal trainers and weight loss companies following me on Twitter I may have a weight problem.

 I want to see Michael J Fox do a Harlem Shake video.... to soon?