Random Useless Question?

Do you ever wonder how many random photo's you are in? Like in someone else's background (See above)? And do you ever wonder if you look good in them? Obviously in the photo above the answer is 100% smoking hot. :)

The Biggest Loser!

    A few years back I tried out for the Biggest Loser. Apparently I was fat enough to be flown to Salt Lake City for an interview with the producers. I met the producers at the posh Salt lake city Hotel Monaco http://www.monaco-saltlakecity.com/. I was extremely nervous knowing that if I nailed this it would change my life forever. I entered the room visibly nervous and shook all the producers hands and then posed with my shirt off , for what I could only presume, was for the photo cattle call back at their offices in Los Angeles. I actually pictured them back in LA  in a dark room, just like the scene out of Animal House, where my picture comes up and they all start screaming and throwing cheesy puffs and sodas at it. As the shutter on the camera clicked  I pushed my stomach out a little further then normal thinking any little bit would help.                        I sat down for the interview portion of the afternoon. It was the strangest interview I have ever been involved with. I spent over an hour trying to convince these people what a fat pathetic loser I was. To only be told after an hour and a full box of tissues later, I wasn't pathetic enough. Do you know what that does to guy like me? I didn't know if I was a bigger loser or less of a loser for not being picked. I shook their hands and vowed to them I would return fatter and more pathetic then anyone they have or will ever cast. As I got up from the table I grabbed two donuts from a plate and shoved them in my mouth saying "starting now!"
      But on the short flight home I rehashed the interview over and over in my head. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Should I have gone in there on a hoveround?

 I got off the plane in Colorado Springs disappointed and dejected. My girlfriend picked me up out front of the terminal. She could tell right away something was wrong and asked me how it went. I told her every painful detail of the interview and finished it off with I didn't get chosen. I teared up a bit and held my head down. At that moment I felt her hand on my back as she quickly and confidently reassured me that I was the same pathetic loser that ruined her life ten years ago. I raised my head, looked out the window, smiled and said "Who's the Biggest Loser now?"

Merry Christmas And Peace On Earth On Full Automatic

Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth fully locked and loaded. I'm sure this is what the baby Jesus wanted on his birthday.Lol.

Blatant Self Promotion

      I hope you all have enjoyed my recent ramblings and stick around for future ones that are sure to come, if we all survive tomorrow of course. So I want to say that I am  sorry to interrupt The Daily Fart with blatant self promotion. But I have this really strange fantasy. That one day I will be walking a street in my town or a far away place and come face to face with someone wearing this shirt.

Or one like it. So please help me fulfill this fantasy by going to http://www.cafepress.com/dancekevin and check out the many designs my sister help create. I think you will find something for you or that hard to shop for friend. And if none of these designs excite you, Try  http://www.zazzle.com/dancingkevinsshop/gifts I've been working on more silly designs like this.

So support the Daily Fart and spread the word. Thanks again for reading. And remember, keep farting. It's not healthy to hold it in.

Caught In The Act

Uh oh...those TSA agents don't let anything past them...not even a poor guy trying to relieve himself!! Taken a few years back while I worked for an airline. Just trying to keep the Daily Fart Classy friends.

Blizzard Brawl Nutcracker

      Now one of the many benefits of doing TV commercials for radio stations is getting asked to do some pretty neat and outrageous things. In Milwaukee, one of those crazy things I did was to participate in a pro wrestling event called Blizzard Brawl http://blizzardbrawl.blogspot.com/.  It was the third annual Blizzard Brawl and I was asked to guest referee a match between the late wrestling legend Luna Vachon  and TNA's own Traci Brooks. I was extremely honored and excited, because I grew up watching Luna wrestle and, well, Traci Brooks is pretty hot. I was so charged up, that I hardly noticed the two hours it took to paint ref stripes and The Brew's logo onto my shirtless body.

    The paint job must have looked great, because people were clamoring for pictures of Dancing Kevin in his ref gear. The time leading up to the match just flew by.
         When the time grew near, we learned that the Blizzard Brawl was going to be Luna's very last match after 35 years in the business. Because of injuries, Luna was going to relinquish her belt to Traci Brooks instead of fighting.
         The announcer asked Luna to come out and say a few things to the fans. Halfway through her speech, Traci grabbed me and lead me out to the ring among a mixture of cheers and boos.

             We entered the ring and Luna was surprised. I asked if I could say some things and she allowed me to tell her how honored I was to be there for her last match and how I watched her as a kid and loved watching her....when suddenly, Traci yanked the mike out of my hand and began talking!
             She began to heap praise onto the grateful Luna.--then--without warning--Traci tells Luna that because she isn't going to defend the belt, Luna doesn't deserve it. Traci yanks the belt away from Luna. Of course, this infuriated Luna and she took a swing at Traci. I...being the ref...felt the need to protect Traci from the sucker punch and blocked it with my arm. This was a BIG MISTAKE.
               Luna turned her fury towards me and lands a very swift  and prearranged kick to my man parts with her pointy boots, but instead of missing she landed a death blow to my poor boys. I dropped instantly and rolled out of the ring onto the floor clinching my injured manhood. As I writhed painfully on the ground  a twelve year old boy stood over me and pointed at me and yells "Find your balls and put 'em back in your pants, you loser!" As I tried to grasp what was transpiring  and analyze what caused the slow decay of western civilization that  had led up to this particular moment, I see Traci thrown out of the ring. I stumble over to grab her and get her out of there when I look up to see Luna. She was clearly not finished kicking Traci's ass. As Luna threw Traci into the crowd and the crowd scattered I became a spectator instead of a participant. Until someone yelled "Hey, you're the ref shouldn't you be trying to break this up." I snapped back to reality and tried to get between the two combatants to only be quickly tossed over three to five chairs. As I struggled to get back up I began to think. "This isn't the way we planned it. I think these two ladies really want to kill each other." I began to panic a little bit.
              Luna and Traci fought their way back to the door they came through at the beginning of the match. When they got near the back, there were tables set up selling wrestling memorabilia.
Luna picked Traci up and threw her across the table .I jumped up, got between Luna and the table, waving my hands screaming "That's it, no more" Luna actually grabbed me and threw me over the table. I got up and tried to calm her down again. Luna once again grabbed me and threw me over another table, this one containing old WWE VHS videos. This is beginning to get out of hand.

             
         As I picked myself up off the ground I saw Traci fall through the back door with Luna closely behind her  swinging a very large chair. I busted through the door thinking she's going to kill Traci. As the door closed behind me and I fell to my knees out of breath reaching out yelling "Stop it." Luna looks at me drops the chair and smiles. Then turns to Traci and they give each other the biggest hug. Reality steps back in.

  

Addicted to Brew

 I know it's been a while since my last posting in the Daily Fart, but do not fret. I have been working on a story that I believe and hope you will find entertaining. But in the meantime I will leave you Daily Fartones with this. As many of you know, I have had the great opportunity to star in some tv commercials for a few radio stations around the United States and Canada This full length video was shot for the station where it all started, 105.7 the Brew http://www.thebrew1057.com/main.html in Columbus Ohio. It was a parody of Robert Palmer's 80's mega hit Addicted to Love but with a Brew twist. All the the people you see in this video are played by me. I learned during this shoot a very valuable lesson. I do not make a pretty lady. So sit back and enjoy. Please feel free to share and comment.